I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
