Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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