just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
