so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize