Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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