party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
