Buhtt sex?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
