WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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