i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
