at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
