The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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