You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
