If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
