the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You were trust falling into bushes
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize