Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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