It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
