Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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