don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
