so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
