Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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