My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
