operation harelip BJ is a go
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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