I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
