how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
