Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
