I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
well you can't waste a boner
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
