today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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