Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
