3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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