Whod you bang
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
