I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
