Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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