they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Couch. On fire.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
