I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
