lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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