I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
