All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
