Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
