I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
