Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
so much tequila, so little girl.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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