I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So much Jack, so little girl.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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