Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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