I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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