Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
