you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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