i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
