at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
