He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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