those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize