if i can run in heels then i can drive
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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