Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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