I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
