Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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