Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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