Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
