I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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