youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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