Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
