Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
