i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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