you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
