not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
