I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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