she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
