Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
