i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
