Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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