Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
