just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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