I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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