so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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