So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize