4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
