I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
