I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Randomize
