How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
