our cab driver is having phone sex.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
