ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
handjob tips. give me some.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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