i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
