Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
