well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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