Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
