remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
