He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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