last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
