My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
