he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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