Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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