**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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