I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
