Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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